Child’s Play Leads to Sexual Contact Between Children

Dear Amy: My 11 year old just told me something last night that is very disturbing and
we don’t know if we should seek counseling for him or if this falls into the realm of normal sexual behavior.

About a month ago our 11 year old son when to a friends sleep over party. There were 4 boys at the party (all same age). I guess during the night 3 of the boys (mine included) decided to play truth or dare. This lead to the boys having to show their privates and eventually ended up in mouth/penis contact. I guess about a week after this happened, my son was at the pool
with the same friend who had the party, and there was more mouth/penis contact, between the two of them, in the shower at the pool.

Last night, my son could no longer carry this information around inside. He confided in us (his parents.) As you can imagine, we had a wide variety of emotions. We talked to him about how inappropriate this behavior is and about making good choices and knowing right from wrong. Our son swears that this has never happened before and will never happen again. He actually
became physically ill in the middle of telling us about it.

We want to do the right thing here. Should we chalk this up to a bad mistake and trust and it was just a learning experience or should we seek counseling?

Dear Reader: I commend you for recognizing that your 11-year old son’s behavior is inappropriate. Many parents often think this behavior is normal child curiosity.

The game ‘truth or dare’ does not specifically require this type behavior, one or more of the boys is repeating this ‘truth or dare’ game that was taught to him. Tell your son you are proud of him for telling you. Explain that ‘truth or dare’ does not include exposing one’s private parts or having oral contact with one’s private parts.

Your son has been sexually abused by one or more of the friends at the sleep over party and then subsequently in the pool with the friend, who had the party. You can not chalk it up to a ‘bad mistake.’ Your son’s experience has altered his mind, body and spirit in ways he can not articulate nor can he know fully how he has been impacted. The fact he became physically ill in the middle of telling you about it, indicates the severity of his repulsion and the resulting damage to his mind, body and spirit.

You need to seek sexual abuse recovery immediate for your son with a professional who is trained to work with sexual abuse survivors. Recovery is possible. An excellent source of information can be found at http://www.gen-assist.com/sa.html If you have specific questions, please contact me again.

I wish you and your family well.

Amy