Boyfriend Unable End Previous Relationships

Dear Amy: I am 23 and my boyfriend is 28 we have been dating for about six months and I already know I love him.  We laugh together all the time, he makes me feel good about myself and tells me he loves me all the time. He even has told me I am the one he wants to marry. We have been talking about moving in but lately I am sensing some old baggage.

When we first started dating he called me up one night really upset like someone had died so I went to see him and finally got out of him that his g/f of 6 years had gotten engaged.  I was shocked and hurt that it bothered him. A month later he told me at that point he wasn’t over her but said being with me  made him get over her. Then one night he surprised me at the door saying he was coming to see me but he smelled of smoke and beer like he had been out. The next day in his car I found a parking ticket for the night before and I confronted him. He finally told me that he had gone out to dinner with her and was going to invite me but I had a bad day at work so he didn’t want to make me mad and that she needed someone to talk to…but he lied that night and said he came to surprise me because I had a bad day.

One day I was checking my email as he was sitting beside me and he asked about a guy friend that had written to me. I let him read it because I have nothing to hide. So I asked to look at his and he was a little hesitant. There were messages from ex’s about booty calls on their part, but no reply from him so I let it go.

Then I caught him checking my phone and made the same request of him.  He had messages from his recent ex that said I love you and he wrote her back he loved her. He said it means nothing, that he loves her as a friend since they dated for six years and she was a part of his life. I wasn’t too worried because she was engaged and living out of the area. The other night we were out with friends and she called and he wouldn’t answer so I said if you have nothing to hide then answer it. He answered and it was really short yes no quick answers and he told me she couldn’t talk because she was with her fiance. I was puzzled.  Why would she call if she couldn’t talk? Then I found out she is in town and learned she and her fiance are broken up.

My question is should I be worried? I have voiced my opinion saying the longer she is in his life the harder it is going to be for me to trust him. I also told him he can make his own decisions and I will never force him to stop talking to her since it is his life and he assures me it is over but all these things together add up to a big problem for me…. being worried all the time and not feeling comfortable in a relationship. What do you think I should do? Should I suck it up and cut it off while I’m ahead even though I feel like I would be missing out on the one I am meant to be with?

Dear Reader: The details of your relationship with this man are typical of a man who is co-dependent. He is unable to end one relationship before he starts another.

Your question, “Should I suck it up and cut it off while I’m ahead even though I feel like I would be missing out on the one I am meant to be with?”  can be resolved by reading these issues.

If you are willing to accept another woman into your relationship to lessor or greater degrees, then he is the ideal man for you.

If you are willing to accept that he is more interested in keeping a relationship with his ex-girlfriend than you, he is the ideal man for you.

If you are willing to accept your needs are disrespected, he is the ideal man for you.

If you are willing to accept his lies and deceit, he is the ideal man for you.

If you are willing to have every move you make investigated and judged, he is the ideal man for you.

If you are willing to be in a controlling relationship, he is the ideal man for you.

If you are willing to accept a part-time or when I feel like it relationship, he is the ideal man for you.

If you agree with any of these statements, he is the ideal man for you.

If you are unable to agree with all of these statements, your ideal man is not this one.

I wish you well in all your endeavors.

Amy