Debunking Myths - What Does That Have to do with Anything?

Myth:  When new clients enter my practice, I have them fill out a very lengthy and detailed biography, no matter how old they are.  I ask questions about their mother’s health during pregnancy, their childhood illnesses and injuries, and how many times their family moved when they were a kid, where they went to school, and a host of other background items.  Frequently, people leave large sections of the questionnaire blank, and when I interview them for that information, a common response is, “What does that have to do with anything?”

Fact: Tons of patterns are put into place during our earliest experiences.  A stressed-out, ill, or frightened mother can produce a jittery, difficult-to-soothe child who later seeks lover after lover to soothe himself, to no avail.  Medical illness that separates a mother from a child during the first 24 hours of life can impair an infant’s developing ability to trust such that, as a teen, he cannot tolerate his girlfriend speaking to other boys for fear of losing her to another.  A parent who ignores the cries of an infant during the first weeks of life, thinking they are making the baby tough may actually be setting the child up to distrust the environment at large, resulting in a paranoid, suspicious  personality that rejects the generous offers of caring individuals and instead struggles to do everything himself.

Moving a dozen or so times during elementary school can teach a child not to get attached or to grow numb to the pain of losing friends.  That kid, in high school, may purposefully not make any friends to avoid further pain, ending up isolated, quite depressed, and likely to begin the substance abuse that will eventually get him divorced or fired from his job 30 years in the future, when the use finally becomes debilitating.

Having an undiagnosed learning disability or behavioral or mental disorder in childhood forces kids to develop coping mechanisms to survive their educational experience that may not lead to dysfunction in adulthood, like copying from peers, lying, or ‘flying below the radar.’

The things that happen to us before the age of 12 are incredibly important and frequently must be re-visited in order to sort out current difficulties.

Marlo Archer, Ph.D.
Down to Earth Enterprises
1250 E. Baseline Rd., Suite 102
Tempe, AZ 85283
(480) 705-5007