Have the Courage to Reinvent Yourself

At a recent networking event, I ran into a friend of mine who, for the last several months, seemed to have disappeared. He looked good. Enthusiastic, fresh, invigorated; not haggard and stressed like the last time I saw him. So I walked up and asked him, “What are you doing now?”

The question wasn’t meant to offend, as if he were a lost soul searching for the latest, greatest, get-rich-quick scheme. This guy doesn’t work that way; but he does reinvent himself. And he has been transforming for about a year now trying one idea, then another with varying degrees of success; finally settling on his latest venture.

Others may view it as “flakey” or inconsistent. I see is as refinement… taking all he has done over the years and distilling what he liked most and was best at doing, and creating a new and novel business with all those component parts. A transformation – an evolution of sorts to create his own business, custom tailored to his strengths without the elements of the things that did not work.

It takes courage to reinvent yourself. Whether you are known in the community or not; there will be people around you who question you, perhaps even ridicule you. You may, at times fall into the trap of buying into their idea of what is best for you. Try reading the question, “What are you doing now?” with the tone of someone who is not supportive. Can you hear it – the carefully hidden slight?

Some of these same people will tell you things that you “should do” or “need to do.” Usually the advice is well meaning but coming from a limited perspective. They don’t know you as well as you know you. They can’t.  No one knows you like you do. No one knows all the things you have considered… the information you have carefully weighed back and forth. No one knows all your likes and dislikes. And yet, they may persist with the advice of what you should or should not do.

The well-meaning (or not) and ill-advised persuasive tactic coming at you as a list of “shoulds, musts, need-tos” can easily erupt in an argument. Perhaps you have experienced that. Try avoiding your natural instinct to defend yourself with a simple, calmly spoken question: “Should? According to who?” “Need to? According to who?” “I must? According to who?”

“According to who” puts the onus on the speaker to dig into their mind for the source of this wisdom… essentially you are asking them to define the indefinable “they.” You know ‘they” don’t you. “They did a study… they just published research… they say that…” Who is/are “they?” And do you really want advice from a completely anonymous source? I don’t think so…

Or, they may discover that this thinking is completely theirs. At least then, they own it and you can calmly explain that you are thankful for the input and ultimately, the decision is yours and yours alone to make. Whether the outcome is good or not so good, the decision and the consequences are yours. And that is what life is about, isn’t it?

So when I asked my friend “What are you doing now?” I asked it with real curiosity and interest about his latest evolution. I was impressed with his answer and how well thought out it was. I understood how all the things he had done over the last few years lead him to his new creation. The really exciting part is that a few months or years from now, it will change and develop, and morph some more.
Don’t be afraid to change, to reinvent yourself. Take jobs and make choices in your career and in your life that will stretch you, challenge you, and encourage you to grow. Embrace the change. Be excited about the idea that a few years from now you may be doing something completely different. Learn what it is you a great at and find new challenges to play to your strengths. Here’s one last bit of advice: ‘they’ say the only thing constant is change.