Five Things To Do To Keep Your Child Off Drugs

Drug peddlers have polished their sales presentation to a sophisticated science. Their highly scientific approach targets children with low self-esteem, the vulnerable child, the child without adequate nurturing and emotional support, a withdrawn, compliant child, those who are starved for attention and recognition. Parents can not ignore the sophistication of a drug peddler. The myth that peer pressure is the culprit has long ago been debunked. No amount of peer pressure will cause a child with high self-esteem and strong family ties to use drugs. No sophisticated sales pitch by a drug dealer will cause a child with high self-esteem and strong family ties to use drugs. These five tips will arm you and your child against drug peddlers.

The following parenting strategies are not intended to be a complete course on parenting.

• Be a non-spanking parent:
-At birth we intuitively know our bodies are sacred. Adults need to respect children’s sacred physical boundaries and inherent likes and dislikes beginning at birth. Lack of respect for a child’s body boundaries engenders rage and disturbs a child’s sense of self and negates their intuitive perception of themselves. A few of the horrific aftereffects of physical punishment are listed below.

-Children whose parents use corporal punishment to correct unacceptable behavior show more antisocial behavior over a long period of time, regardless of race and socioeconomic status, and regardless of whether the mother provides cognitive stimulation and emotional support (Gunnoe & Mariner, 1997; Kazdin, 1987; Patterson, DeBaryshe, & Ramsey, 1989; Straus, Sugarman, & Giles-Sims, 1997).

-Corporal punishment destroys trust between parent and child, and increases the risk of child abuse; as a discipline measure, it simply does not decrease children’s aggressive or delinquent behaviors (Straus, 1994).

-Adults who were hit as children are more likely to be depressed or violent themselves (Berkowitz, 1993; Strassberg, Dodge, Pettit, & Bates, 1994; Straus, 1994; Straus & Gelles, 1990; Straus & Kantor, 1992).

-Corporal punishment is degrading, contributes to feelings of helplessness and humiliation, robs a child of self-worth and self-respect, and can lead to withdrawal, aggression, mental and physical dysfunctions (Sternberg et al., 1993; Straus, 1994).

Alcohol and drugs are a convenient and ‘quick fix’ solution to the myriad of emotional aftereffects of physical punishment.

• Talk with your child, not at them:
-The words we speak have energy and power. “Every choice we make, every thought and feeling we have, is an act of power that has biological environmental, social, personal and global consequences.” –Caroline Myss

-Relationships are made and broken by actions and speech. The way you speak is of utmost importance in the relationship with your child. Your level of maturity, your personality and your emotional stability is demonstrated by your speech. Furthermore, you are role modeling how to behave. Speak to your child with the same respect and kindness as you demand to be spoken. Furthermore, speak to your child on their level.

-Avoid screaming or yelling. When you raise your voice, emotions move in and take over and communication disintegrates. Feelings are hurt and the intended objectives are seldom accomplished. No one likes the superior attitude of being talked down to or the dreaded, ‘lecture.’ It is offensive and is verbal abuse. Everyone will eventually rebel at being talked at—especially children, as they have no other recourse.

-Speak to your child as you wish to be spoken to—in a kind, respectful and courteous manner. Using put downs is immature and damaging. Calling your child ‘stupid,’ ‘idiot’, ‘jerk,’ ‘fool,’ or other demeaning labels cause deep harm to your child’s self-esteem. As your child matures, these demeaning labels are taken on as their persona, which governs their behavior and perception of themselves and life.

• Be a good role model for your child: Parenting is an awesome responsibility. For the sake of your child, it is imperative you set a ‘good’ example for his/her intellectual, physical and spiritual development. “As the parent is, so shall the child become.” “The acorn does not fall far from the tree.” The old axiom, “Do as I say, not as I do,” is simply an axiom and has not worked as a parenting technique. If you say it, then do it. Threats are extremely damaging and you as the parent reaps the benefit of lost credibility. Furthermore, it is difficult to justify one’s words when one’s actions contradict them.

• Step up to the plate: Being a parent has many rewards. Children demand your attention at their convenience. You as the adult/parent need to set the appropriate boundaries to meet their needs in a timely manner.

-Be sure to listen to their needs and set a time to fulfill that need if it can not be done immediately.

-Make it a point to pay attention to your child when she/he calls out to you, especially if they are interrupting you. This establishes a pattern of trust between you and your child. In times of great need and want they will then trust they can come to you for help. You can also teach them that some things can wait and others are urgent.

• Be your child’s mentor: Remember you are their parent and not their friend

-Your child needs your guidance. It is a psychological fact of life that children are looking for limits, guidelines and boundaries for their behavior. Children any age experiment, test and seek to discover what the world has to offer and how what they do affects themselves and their surroundings. Although children protest loudly when limits are set, without boundaries they feel out of control. Without limits, appropriate impulse control does not develop. If children are unable to find limits, they continue to push, becoming anxious when there seems to be no end to how far they can go. With their immature, inexperienced egos and impulse control as their only defense against the world, they unconsciously want someone to stop them so that they can feel in control and, therefore, secure.

When parents fail to set limits, children (no matter their age) feel unimportant and unloved. Limits and negative consequences for breaching them, on the other hand, reassures children that they are noticed and that someone cares.

Children learn from the consequences of their behavior. Behavior that is followed by positive consequences is maintained or increased; behavior followed by negative consequences decreases or stops. The following techniques, which need to be modified to suit the child’s age, will help you manage your child’s learning process.

-Children need to know what is expected of them. They need a trusted authority figure to turn to and they need someone who will back them up. They need someone they trust, to administer discipline when needed and love and compassion in times of struggle or distress. They need a parent who has years of experience, perspective and unconditional love guiding them along the road not-yet traveled.

No one is born knowing how to be a parent. Good parenting takes effort. There are many books on parenting—some focus on specific parenting issues. Read the parenting books which will help you navigate the parenting road not-yet traveled.

Dorothy M. Neddermeyer, PhD, author, “If I’d Only Known…Sexual Abuse in or Out of the Family: A Guide to Prevention, specializes in: Mind, Body, Spirit healing and Physical/Sexual Abuse Prevention and Recovery. As an inspirational leader, Dr. Neddermeyer empowers people to view life’s challenges as an opportunity for Personal/Professional Growth and Spiritual Awakening. http://www.drdorothy.net