Debunking Myths - It’s Good For the Children

Myth:  I meet with many parents who struggle with child custody issues when the other parent of their children is a drug addict or an alcoholic.  They know that the addict’s behavior is not good, but they don’t want to ‘take their children away’ from the other parent, thinking that it’s good for children to know both of their parents.

Fact: Although it is very important for children to have both male and female role models and although it is painful for a child to lose a parent, it is not a good idea to leave small children in the care of a drug addict or alcoholic who is actively engaged in serious substance abuse.

Parents who are in the grip of addictions do a ton of damage to kids.  They demonstrate how to be an addict and young children are such quick learners that is is no problem for a tiny child to easily learn how to roll a joint, mix a Martini, or prepare heroin for injection.  Some addicts even think it’s “adorable” that their kids can perform such “adult” tasks and will allow kids to do these things at parties to impress their friends.

Parents who are frequently under the influence of substances don’t provide good supervision, either.  Kids are often free to do as they please without the calming effects of having limits like bedtimes, meal times, and weekend chores.  Children with no supervision or structure become very nervous and then very angry and they eventually act out in all sorts of destructive ways, often long before they are even old enough to abuse substances themselves, although that often follows eventually, too.

Many addicted parents think nothing of driving their children around town while completely loaded.  Of course, fatal or crippling accidents are a main concern, but getting arrested and having the kids sit in the police station waiting for the other parent to come pick them up is also a possibility that is not beneficial to the kids.

If a parent is actively engaged in serious substance abuse, it does more harm to leave small children in their inadequate care than it does to deny the children unsupervised contact with that parent.  No one’s saying they can’t have a relationship with the addict, just that the addict does not make a good babysitter and that all visits should be supervised.  A court of law can help you arrange for this if your former partner will not agree to it voluntarily.

Marlo Archer, Ph.D.
Down to Earth Enterprises
1250 E. Baseline Rd., Suite 102
Tempe, AZ 85283
(480) 705-5007