Trapped in a Marriage?

Anyone can leave at any time, but frequently the dissatisfied party is not willing to leave because of the decrease in quality of life that would result.

Two people can live more cheaply than one.  There is one rent or mortgage payment, one electric bill, one cable bill, and one water bill.  Two people can share groceries more efficiently than singles who frequently experience half a gallon of milk spoiling or half a loaf of bread growing mold.  Two people who travel together share one hotel room, two people can buy a big screen T.V. together, and two people may be able to afford a boat or a quad whereas singles may not be able to purchase or store pricey luxury items.

Dissatisfied spouses often look around at what they have amassed during the course of a many-year marriage and they are simply unwilling to give up their possessions, their lifestyle, their property, their space, or their various comforts.  That is understandable.

However, how comfortable are the “comforts” if you are miserable in your relationship?  Do you really enjoy your jet skis when you and your spouse haven’t spoken to each other in weeks?  Is it really worth it to have that half-million dollar house where the two of you try not to end up in the same room as each other?  Is it really enjoyable to play the state-of-the-art music system when there is no one to dance with?

Some folks get to the point where they are disgusted enough with the relationship that they do stop caring about what they’ll lose and they decide they must leave.  However, when they really look at what they will all lose, they get angry and they feel like the other person in the relationship is the one that deserves to lose.  Most people who are very disgusted with their relationships are pretty convinced that it’s the other person’s fault, whatever it is.  Not the case.

Marriage is a two-way street.  It takes two people to make a good one and two people to make a bad one.  No one person can truly destroy a marriage all by him or herself without some help from the partner.  If the marriage is a mess, each party has a shared responsibility in the mess.  If you are the one that’s deciding to walk out and quit trying to fix it, you aren’t automatically entitled to take anything with you.  If you go, you may need to go empty-handed.  Stuff is just stuff.  Money is just money.  You can always get more, but your mental health and your happiness are priceless.  If it’s time to go, you need to go.  Don’t stay and make yourself and your partner miserable worrying about who’s gonna get the DVD collection.

Marlo Archer, Ph.D.
Down to Earth Enterprises
1250 E. Baseline Rd., Suite 102
Tempe, AZ 85283
(480) 705-5007