What You Offer is More Than Where You Are

Usually, when I work with a client, the content of what we discuss is specific to just them. They come to me with a particular problem, we define it and identify what they want as an outcome – and how they know they will achieve it, and we go to work. I’ll typically use NLP, hypnotherapy, other tools and combinations to help them get past the block they created. Occasionally I’ll have a conversation that, when I reflect on it, seems to have content that would benefit others. This is one of those times – I hope you get something out of this message.

My client’s main problem was his insistence (or at least his choice to focus) on focusing on what he lacked rather than his worth; his lack of financial strength, lack of a relationship, lack of a job he enjoyed… even the beginning of a lack of a sense of humor. Somewhere in the process of the work I said, “On any given day what you have or don’t have is not as important as the value you bring to the world… focus outward.” He was stunned and still for several minutes. If this were a cartoon, smoke would have been coming out of his ears.

You know how sometimes you say something and you notice it has an impact on the person you are talking to? I’m not quite sure where that statement came from but this was one of those moments, and I was fortunate enough to write it down. So let me take a moment and unpack what I told my client. Hopefully, you can gain value from the thoughts too.

For a moment, think about the people who inspire you. Think about the people who, when you are around them, you feel good, secure, content, happy, inspired, motivated, and up-lifted. Now consider this – when you talk to those people, or even just listen to them speak; are they focused on the past and their present problems, or are they focused forward on opportunities and possibilities? Do they seem to talk about themselves or take a genuine interest in others? Are they problem or solution oriented? In addition, how does all this come across in their posture, movements, attention, etc?

One message my client got from our conversation was to “focus outward.” He started to change his attention (what he thought about and dwelled on) from himself (inward) to what he could offer his company, his clients, and his friends and family (outward).

If you are experiencing a lack of money, health, etc., an inward focus tends to keep your mind in the present (I don’t have fill in the blank) and in the past (if only I did or didn’t do ______) You feel stuck as a result. Other people notice it too.

Now, I am not saying that “fake it till you make it” is a permanent fix to problems. Although, sometimes nagging little things do resolve themselves with this approach.

What I am saying is this; when you are in an interview do you want to be projecting lack (inward and past focus) or what you can bring to the organization (outward and future focus). When you choose to focus on the value you can bring to the world (regardless of the size of the “world” – is it your team, family, company or the planet?) you choose to focus outward and people will notice. Others will want to connect to you because of your energy and attitude. You will be one of the rare individuals who inspire others to feel better – simply by your presence. I believe the interviewer will notice this too and it will positively influence your career.

If you are on a sales call and your focus is outward you can focus your attention on the client’s needs, the prospect’s pains, and how you may be able to help them. Would you do business with someone if you felt their sole focus was inward on themselves?

If you are managing people and focused outward, you are in the mental frame of mind to influence your team in a way that is best for them, for you, and for your company. Who knows, you may be the person who changes a life, simply by focusing outward — focusing on them.

OK, it all makes sense… until I get home… then the negatives hit me.

Funny isn’t it that so many times we can be positive and upbeat for everyone except ourselves and our families. If this happens to you, I will ask you to consider what it is that you do during the day that allows you to choose to be focused outward. Yes, I said ‘to choose’ because it is your choice. It is your mind during the day just as much as it is your mind when you get home. How do you do “focus outward” during the day?  What would happen of you were to take some time each evening and think about the value you can bring to the world (your world)… instead of thinking about the obstacles that are in front of you? Perhaps the obstacles are just there to remind you to stop, slow down and look forward and outward. Maybe the purpose of the challenges you have today is to get you to think toward the future and about the value you bring, rather than dwell on the past and the things you don’t have.

If you really want to have some fun… ask some of those people who inspire you to share their philosophy of life. “How do you do it?” “What do you say to yourself in the morning, during the day, when things get tough?” “How do you take lessons from past mistakes and turn them into talents for today and the future?”

Now, there’s a New Year’s challenge… sit down with a few people who inspire you and learn how they do it. Respond to me with what you learn if you’d like to, and I’ll post it (anonymously) for everyone’s benefit. Here’s to focusing outward in 2008… and beyond.