Thank You, Thank You Very Much!

I was born and raised in a very blue collar city.  People were tough, they worked hard, and they liked to drink their beer and get rowdy on the weekends.  As a result of growing up in that environment, although I didn’t realize it at the time, I developed quite the ‘potty mouth.’

I was completely unaware that people in other cities did not use cuss words as adjectives in every sentence.  I thought that most grandmothers said the “f-word.”  I didn’t really realize that those words actually upset some people.

However, when I went to graduate school in the Deep South, I became very quickly and very painfully aware that those words shocked and appalled lots of other people and I was forced to very swiftly purge my vocabulary.

I was totally clueless.  What are you supposed to say when you’re walking down the street, carrying several bags of groceries and the bottom falls out of one, splattering your lunch all over the sidewalk?  When your boyfriend informs you that he’s leaving you for another girl, what is the proper response?  When you know you studied for a test, and yet, you still got a C-, what can you say that won’t be ‘bleeped?’

Well, I learned that one phrase seemed to replace most of the profanity pretty efficiently, although it didn’t always make much sense.  I learned to just say ‘Thank You,” when I felt like swearing.  So, at the bank, when they reported that they didn’t seem to have my last deposit, and my account was overdrawn, I would say, “Oh, thank you.  Thank you very much for losing my money, because I didn’t really want it anyhow.  This, at least, will give me some practice for living without money.  Yes, thank you, that’s exactly what I needed.”

So, I could still be angry and sound angry, but at least I wasn’t swearing out in public.  As the grocery bag let all my food crash to the sidewalk, I’d hear myself say, “Thank you, yes, that’s exactly what I needed.  There’s my eggs, all broken.  Good.   Now my cholesterol won’t get so high.  And, there’s my candy bar, broken, and melting, yes, that’s good, too.  Thanks.  That will help me start my diet.”

Hmm, that’s weird, the more I kept on doing that, the more I actually started to sound genuinely thankful when bad things would happen.  You see, your brain is a funny thing.  It does not want to be wrong, so when it hears you saying “Thank you” to something that it knows should make you angry, it feels like you are temporarily wrong, but it doesn’t like that feeling, so it quickly comes up with something to make yourself right.  So, I found that, although I was originally quite angry, upset, or disappointed about something, if I would just start saying “thanks,” my brain would eventually follow that with something that made some sort of sense, some sort of positive spin on it.

The next time you find yourself stuck in traffic, say “Thank You.”  When you lose your keys, “Thanks,” and when your child breaks your favorite dish, again, “Thanks,” and just wait to see what your brain follows that with.  You’re going to be surprised!

Marlo Archer, Ph.D.
Down to Earth Enterprises
1250 E. Baseline Rd., Suite 102
Tempe, AZ 85283
(480) 705-5007