Child Sexual Abuse Defined

As a specialist in providing sexual abuse prevention and recovery, and author of  If I’d Only Known…Sexual Abuse in or out of the Family: A Guide to Prevention, allow me to educate you on some of the most urgent facts about pedophiles.  Book available at www.gen-assist.com for a 15% discount.

Studies reveal 62% of girls and 31% of boys will be sexually abused by age 18 and this statistic is considered to be low.  Contrary to popular belief 80% of sexual abuse is perpetrated by a family member, 19% is by someone the child knows and trusts and 1% (according to government statistics) is by a stranger.

The unbelievable reality is that a person who sexually abuses children may seem very average and ordinary to the world. He or she may be a leader in the church, in the community or in business. Pedophiles seldom fit a classic stereotype and pedophilia has no boundaries with regard to education, socioeconomic status, career or cultural background.

Furthermore, we find sexual abuse and incest even more difficult to believe or accept when the person we like, admire, love, and/or marry is the perpetrator of the abuse. Therefore, that is precisely why Michael Jackson’s family, fans and the uninformed can unequivocally believe he could not possibly be a sexual abuse perpetrator.

Pedophiles are cunning predators, who have perfected their mode of operation.  First and foremost they are experts at manipulation, thus escaping adult reality. They have a sense of entitlement and justify their behavior as loving; not harming the child. They expend great energy maintaining this illusion to themselves as well as others. They create a persona of goodness beyond reproach. They go to great lengths to present themselves as exemplary people, who love children more than most people. Anyone who sees through this façade is met with admonishment and rebuke for being critical, irrational, racist, out to get the person, and/or jealous. The perpetrator is the family emperor with no clothes. “I know my son, and this is ridiculous,” Michael Jackson’s mother, Katherine Jackson, said in an interview broadcast on CBS “The Early Show.” She said people who believe Michael is guilty “don’t know him.” Jackson’s father, Joe Jackson, said his son was beloved around the world but had trouble in the United States because of racism. He said the accuser’s motives were clear: “It’s about money.”

Even more frightening about sexual abuse and incest perpetrators is that within their pathology they do not hold beliefs reflecting society’s moral and ethical values. Therefore, coupled with the child’s innocence and trust of the abuser usually pressure or violence is not required. Thus, the perpetrator can unequivocally state, “I love children. Never-ever. I could never harm a child or anyone. It’s not in my heart. It’s not who I am.”

Jane F. Giligun and Teresa M. Connor conducted a study of 14 male sexual abuse perpetrators ranging in age from twenty-one to fifty-four. All these men believed that they had deep and loving relationships with their victims. As one man said, “We had a relationship. Right or Wrong, it was a relationship.”

I am not suggesting that everyone who goes above and beyond the call of duty for children in their care are pedophiles. However, insidiously, pedophiles demonstrate the right, moral and exemplary behavior to develop credibility and establish proof of their love of children. These actions therefore thwart any suspicion of wrongdoing, thus allowing the pedophile access to lure the innocent trusting child and/or parent into letting their guard down and their common sense and suspicions to blur.

Michael Jackson soliciting young boys for companionship under the guise of helping them with a life threatening illness and/or sleeping with young boys because he loves children, albeit according to him, he slept on the floor and the child slept in his bed, that in and of itself is sexual abuse is his modus operandi.  Having said the aforementioned, the definition of sexual abuse is necessary.

Traditionally, incest was defined as “sexual intercourse between two persons too closely related to marry legally–sex between siblings, first cousins, the seduction by fathers of their daughters.” This dysfunctional blood relationship, however, does not completely describe what children are experiencing. To fully understand all sexual abuse, we need to look beyond the blood bond and include the emotional bond between the victim and his or her perpetrator. Thus, a new definition has emerged. The new definition now relies less on the blood bond between the victim and the perpetrator and more on the experience of the child.

“Incest is both sexual abuse and an abuse of power. It is violence that does not require force. Another is using the victim, treating them in a way that they do not want or in a way that is not appropriate by a person with whom a different relationship is required. It is abuse because it does not take into consideration the needs or wishes of the child; rather, it meets the needs of the other person at the child’s expense. If the experience has sexual meaning for another person, in lieu of a nurturing purpose for the benefit of the child, it is abuse. If it is unwanted or inappropriate for her age or the relationship, it is abuse. Incest [sexual abuse] can occur through words, sounds, or even exposure of the child to sights or acts that are sexual but do not involve her. If she is forced to see what she does not want to see, for instance, by an exhibitionist, it is abuse. If a child is forced into an experience that is sexual in content or overtone that is abuse. As long as the child is induced into sexual activity with someone who is in a position of greater power, whether that power is derived through the perpetrator’s age, size, status, or relationship, the act is abusive. A child who cannot refuse, or who believes she or he cannot refuse, is a child who has been violated.” (E. Sue Blume, Secret Survivors).

If you know or suspect you are a sexual child abuse survivor and wonder if the internal unrest you experience is in some way connected, I offer 15 minute free consultations  to answer your questions.

Dorothy M. Neddermeyer, Ph.D.
Genesis Consultants, Inc.
480-704-0603