What is Your Communication Style?

This is the first in a series of articles on ways to improve your effectiveness at communicating.

Have you ever listened to the way people talk to each other? Not what they say but how they say it.

“I’ll see you later.” “Talk to me.” “I have a really good feeling about this.” “This just seems so reasonable.”

We tend to prefer one of four communication styles: auditory, visual, kinesthetic (tactile), or digital.

Auditory people use words that have sound as the main component. When done talking with an auditory person they are likely to say something like, “I’ll talk to you later,” or “it was good to speak to you.” Auditory people will use expressions and words such as sounds good, that resonates, clear as a bell, speak up, rings true, loud, I hear that, I hear you, etc.

Visual people communicate more in terms of pictures. They will often end a conversation with “see you later.” Listen for words and expressions such as I’ll see you around, looks good, can you see it, a bright idea, paint a picture for you, look, bright, perspective, focus, clear, colorful, etc.

Kinesthetic (tactile) people like to “feel” things. They may end a conversation with “It felt right that we talked.” Listen for words and expressions like feel, grasp, touch, firm, warm, cool, get a handle on, I have a feeling about, wrap my mind around, grounded, heavy, etc.

Digital people tend to talk in a precise manner and use words such as statistically speaking, technically, reasonable, logical, makes sense, in the first place, secondly, etc. Digital people often seem very logical and less emotive, both in their actions and in their language.

How does this apply to everyday living? What type of communicator are you? What could happen when a  visual person is trying to explain a painting project to someone who is highly digital? The visual may be speaking in terms of “seeing it very clearly – beautiful red wall here with light yellow on the other side” and the digital person responds with “logically we have to start with the primer coat…”  Then the visual might react with “don’t you see what I’m trying to show you?

Both parties may have the best intention in mind but they are failing to communicate with each other. Are your words mostly visual? Is your spouse kinesthetic? Do you picture a great vacation and your spouse tells you it feels right to go there?

Next chance you have to talk with someone, watch their eyes as they talk. When people think they tend to access their preferred representational system. Visual people usually move their eyes up to the right and left corners when remembering or creating a picture. Auditory people move their eyes from side to side. Remember President Richard Nixon? He was highly auditory. His eyes shifted to the sides when he thought. Kinesthetic and digital people tend to go down to the corners. You have to match their language with their eye pattern to determine if they are kinesthetic or digital.

Visual people tend to be tall and thin. They move and speak quickly and often times lean their head back so they can get more of a view of you. It helps when they can see the whole picture in living color. They speak high, clear, fast, and loud. They will often elevate their eyes above others, just to see more. Some visual people breathe high in their chest. Their lips are often thin and they tend to stand straight. Can you see the picture we are trying to paint of the visual person?

Auditory people will often tilt their head to the side when listening to you. They will speak in melodic, rhythmic voice that varies in tone, pitch and tempo. Auditory people are sometimes distracted by background music, especially if it has lyrics. They will unconsciously be drawn to the song and may not listen as much to you (or pay attention to their homework). Their breathing and lip size varies and they will often look down (with their head tilted) to listen. If you are auditory, as you read this it just sounds right, doesn’t it?

Kinesthetic people tend to be softer, round and slow in their body type and their movements. They tend to have full lips and breathe low in the abdomen. They often keep their eyes below others and look down to listen. Their voice is soft, airy and typically low and they move the way they speak. You should have a pretty good feel for kinesthetic people now. Can you wrap your mind around the idea?

Digital people usually have thin tight lips and stand erect and stiff, often with their arms folded. They tend to keep their heads level, even when their eyes go down to the corner when thinking. Their voice is often clipped, monotone, consistent, and measured; and they look over other’s heads when speaking. They give the impression of being logical, unemotional, and ordered. They will often use lists in conversation such as, “first we should…, second…, third.” Technically, this is what makes the most sense to a digital person.

Can you think of a situation where good effective communication is not desired? We think you will agree, better communicating is always welcome. Most people are unaware of the different styles. If you know about these four styles of communication, you are in a position now to become a better communicator.

As a great communicator you can recognize the other person’s primary style and adapt your language to their style. You can become the person everyone understands. You now know how to make it crystal clear. You can even paint pictures that others feel very good about. You may find, because of your increased ability to communicate that it is only reasonable you move up in your career.

So play with this. Listen. Observe. Test. See the results. Hear the difference in how others respond to you. After all, doesn’t it just make sense if you talk to others in their system they will feel better about the interaction?

George Gillas provides public and corporate workshops and seminars across the Valley while maintaining an active private hypnotherapy and NLP practice in Scottsdale.  He also teaches business, public speaking, and hypnotherapy classes at SWIHA.