Overwhelmed? Overcome!

It’s Monday morning; you get up refreshed and ready to start your week.  Your older child interrupts your shower to ask if he can take trumpet lessons.  He not only appears to need an answer this minute, but he’s also got a form for you to fill out and, oh yeah, he also needs a $50.00 check, too.

You run into the kitchen to try to choke down some coffee and the dog has knocked over one of your houseplants, convinced there is a porterhouse steak hidden under your hyacinth.

You only have 10 minutes remaining, so you shove some sort of breakfast into your briefcase, hurry all the children into the car, then act as if you’re participating in NASCAR trials as you zoom down Pecos Road, shaking a fist and hurling insults at any fools who get in your way.

You shove the kids out of the rolling car, as they struggle to get another $2.00 out of you for something or another, and then you really put the pedal to the medal in an attempt to get to work and get to your desk before anyone notices how late you are.  You do your make-up, eat your breakfast, and make a few phone calls from your car, thundering into the parking lot and making a mad dash for your office, where you kick off your shoes, grab papers and spread them all over your desk, just in time for your supervisor to stick his head in and observe you hard at work.

Your pulse is racing, your blood pressure through the roof, you’re hungry, tired, and cranky, and it’s not even 9:00 yet.  Aaarrgh!  What can you do to decrease all this stress and slow your life down?

The solution is to stop trying to do so much.

Sure, that’s easy to say, but what is a person supposed to do?  You can’t ignore your kids.  Your job has requirements you can’t refuse.  Your spouse needs love and attention.  Your church group relies on you to teach Sunday School.  The school counts on you to coach little league.  Your mother-in-law depends on you for transportation.  You are the only one your sister can really talk to who understands.  The single mother down the street doesn’t get home until 7:00, and can’t her kids just come play by your house until she gets home?  Want to buy some Girl Scout Cookies?  Come to our car wash?  Our baby’s baptism?  Our wedding?  Our housewarming….

AAAARRGH!  It just goes on and on and on.

This is how we get trapped.  We have a lot of things that we consider responsibilities, things we think we can’t get out of, but the truth is that we CAN get out of most of them and that we are choosing not to – bringing all the unwanted stress upon ourselves.

I’ll give you the kids and the spouse.  They need and deserve your attention, but you don’t have to do everything for them.  You can teach them to do some things for themselves.

As for the job, yes, there are some job requirements that are non-negotiable, but trust me, if you keep saying ‘yes’ to projects, you’ll keep getting them.  It’s okay to say ‘no’ to things that are not technically within your job requirements.

On to school and church groups… those are optional.  If you’re doing those things, it’s because you want to.  If you don’t have time, stop it.  As for your mother-in-law’s transportation needs, teach her to ride the bus, arrange for a senior care bus to get her, or demand that her other kids share the responsibility.  Tell your sister that she will need to see a therapist and that you cannot continue to provide 3 hours a week of counseling to her.  Direct the single mother to low-cost child-care services that are available to her or require that she repay you in kind with some type of service to you.  Turn down the Girl Scout Cookies.  Send a wedding gift to weddings you cannot attend.  Decline party invitations from people you don’t really care about.

It comes down to saying, ‘no.’  Most of us have trouble saying ‘no.’  We feel mean, guilty, and selfish.  Well, guess what?  That’s how you get so overwhelmed.  It’s not reasonable to say ‘yes’ to every request you receive.  Doing that only sets you up to receive more and more requests and cause you to become overwhelmed.

The bottom line is that the earth will not stop rotating if you don’t serve on the decorations committee or if you don’t go to your cousin’s housewarming party.  Learn to say ‘no’ politely and often!

Marlo J. Archer, Ph.D
Licensed Psychologist
1250 E. Baseline Rd.
Suite 102
Tempe, AZ 85283
480-705-5007
www.DrMarlo.com